Psalm 26

So I'm back to meditate on this psalm for the second time in writing. The words of the first line have staying power--"Vindicate me, O Lord," and I've found myself praying them multiple times this week over a variety of personal, relational, community, and global circumstances.

David seemed to master at least this--he knew judgement was in God's realm and respected that.  After cutting the hem of Saul's garment he seeks to move Saul with this truth:

"May the LORD judge between me and you; and may the LORD avenge me on you; but my hand shall not be against you. As the proverb of the ancients says, 'Out of the wicked comes wickedness'; but my hand shall not be against you." -1 Samuel 24:12-13

If we are able to trust in God's perfect judgement, then there can be nothing better, more freeing, or higher.  Though in the moment, we long to cut off the head of the Sauls in our world, this psalm models where to go for justice--and it's not to ourselves or our ability to discern. 

When I think of all of the big and little judgements that happen in our world, much of the conflict is generated in the spirit of fairness, rightness, precedence, preference.  Giving up that justice, that decision, that verdict, to God feels precarious to me---not in the eternal sense (somehow this is easier to trust) but in the immediate.  I think of C.S. Lewis' statement about how he doesn't doubt that God has our best interests at heart, but that he wonders what it will cost.  This is a bad paraphrase--need to dig it up.

Trust seems to come easier for some people than others. As a person who has worked through--I'm very picky about whom I trust.  I've been working on trusting God since I was a little girl and had seasons of better success than others.  Sadly, in my early  50's, I find myself feeling regressive--that I am visiting some of the tougher issues of faith that hurt to work through in my teens and early adult years.  I don't understand this--it's frustrating to feel that faith can be circular instead of linear.

King David certainly manifested a circular faith though.  His psalms are full of high highs, low lows, bitter truths and simple trust. He makes it feel simple, but it never is walking it out. Even though I cannot always embrace and live out his moments of straightforward and bold faith, they make a way through the waters for me.

I can plead for him to vindicate me, vindicate others, vindicate the broken, overlooked, abused, ignored, and somehow it is freeing and enough to know where to bring this stuff--these difficult pieces of myself and of the world---to know that it's not only ok, but that it's good and expected to lay those at His doorstep, His gate.  And that His justice will be perfect--even if not today.