Yet not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father's will.
Even all the hairs on your head are numbered.
So do not be afraid; you are more valuable than many sparrows." -Matthew 10:29-31
When in despair over greater things, it helps me to grab onto the lesser. Last Thursday I had a hard smack in the face after a routine colonoscopy. Actually, it was a procedure I pushed for, as I have a sad family medical history. At 46, I was expecting a few polyps perhaps, but not a 4cm mass. In my experience, this is how life goes. You never know what routine test or routine day may bring. I keep short tabs and take little for granted.
Even in great difficulty, I find His hand constant in the details. I have a friend who works over at Asheville GI, and even though I didn't see her that day, her presence there and her later encouraging texts were a gift. My biopsy results came back Friday---much better than the "most likely Monday" word from the doctor earlier. Mercifully, the biopsy tested precancerous, and though that doesn't guarantee that there is no cancer (they are testing just one piece of a larger mass), at least I could breathe again.
I'm thankful for His mercy for today and the prayers of faithful friends. I'm thankful for doctors I can trust. That the very hairs on my head are numbered. That sparrows don't fall to the ground without His knowledge. He is over the small and great--nothing escapes His notice.
Faith in God is not a magic wand. It doesn't wave away bad things. Yes, God chose to heal at various points in the scriptures. And He heals in the present. He listens to our prayers. He is a merciful, long-suffering God. But, He is God.
He is God, and He can do whatever pleases Him. He always does what is best and always works toward a greater plan. But, His timeline is different than our own. His perspective is broader, more intricate, further-sighted.
So, I will schedule a surgery consult this week. And I will continue to read His word every morning. And I will pray for this stupid growth to be completely precancerous, not cancerous. And I will walk in my garden and notice His hand in small things. The tasseling of the corn--a miracle of its own--do you know that each silky strand pollinates just a single kernel? The beginning blooms on our lemon squash plant. The Lilliputian zinnias and three new kinds of sunflowers all unfolding...
I will appreciate my husband more. I will be glad to drive the children from A to B the hundredth time--because I am able. I will thank my sweet neighbor for being especially kind to me. I will write my general physican a thank you note because he encouraged me to be tested early. These are gifts too.
He is faithful in the small. He is faithful in the great. He can be trusted for today and tomorrow.
 |
| Cherry and Ivory Swizzle Zinnia--love the fade. |
When in despair over greater things, it helps me to grab onto the lesser. Last Thursday I had a hard smack in the face after a routine colonoscopy. Actually, it was a procedure I pushed for, as I have a sad family medical history. At 46, I was expecting a few polyps perhaps, but not a 4cm mass. In my experience, this is how life goes. You never know what routine test or routine day may bring. I keep short tabs and take little for granted.
Even in great difficulty, I find His hand constant in the details. I have a friend who works over at Asheville GI, and even though I didn't see her that day, her presence there and her later encouraging texts were a gift. My biopsy results came back Friday---much better than the "most likely Monday" word from the doctor earlier. Mercifully, the biopsy tested precancerous, and though that doesn't guarantee that there is no cancer (they are testing just one piece of a larger mass), at least I could breathe again.
I'm thankful for His mercy for today and the prayers of faithful friends. I'm thankful for doctors I can trust. That the very hairs on my head are numbered. That sparrows don't fall to the ground without His knowledge. He is over the small and great--nothing escapes His notice.
Faith in God is not a magic wand. It doesn't wave away bad things. Yes, God chose to heal at various points in the scriptures. And He heals in the present. He listens to our prayers. He is a merciful, long-suffering God. But, He is God.
 |
| shadows of purple cone-flowers |
He is God, and He can do whatever pleases Him. He always does what is best and always works toward a greater plan. But, His timeline is different than our own. His perspective is broader, more intricate, further-sighted.
So, I will schedule a surgery consult this week. And I will continue to read His word every morning. And I will pray for this stupid growth to be completely precancerous, not cancerous. And I will walk in my garden and notice His hand in small things. The tasseling of the corn--a miracle of its own--do you know that each silky strand pollinates just a single kernel? The beginning blooms on our lemon squash plant. The Lilliputian zinnias and three new kinds of sunflowers all unfolding...
I will appreciate my husband more. I will be glad to drive the children from A to B the hundredth time--because I am able. I will thank my sweet neighbor for being especially kind to me. I will write my general physican a thank you note because he encouraged me to be tested early. These are gifts too.
He is faithful in the small. He is faithful in the great. He can be trusted for today and tomorrow.
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